Work chums

As a general rule, I make a lot of faces.
When I went to Switzerland alone for a month, I used to entertain myself on those lonely nights by making faces at myself in the mirror.
No, that’s not a joke.
Well, it’s a joke, but it’s a true joke.
But I am a very animated person, even when people aren’t watching.
Make that especially when people aren’t watching.
Actually, when people are watching, I’m actually sort of shy and try to hide behind the nearest potted plant/inside the nearest Eskimo jacket.
Let me submit a couple embarrassing situations for your approval.
Scenario 1:
I’m sitting alone at my desk, but I’m situated in such a way that anyone walking behind me could see my face.
I am one of 9 people in my office, so “anyone walking behind me” is sort of a once-every-two-hours thing.
I get a phone call wherein I talk to someone who makes me nervous, ie. a supervisor, a client, one of my elders, one of my youngers, an intelligent sheep who has learned to dial a phone.
I am very chipper during the conversation, feigning energy and cheerfulness because shy people get nowhere…or so I once learned in a Dilbert comic.
At the end of the conversation I wish them a happy time of day, hang up the phone, roll my eyes, and let out a built-up nervous breath larger than that of a professional flutist and collapse dramatically on my desk.
At which point a colleague materialises behind me with an, “I-I brought you a fax…but I can, uh — I can come back later.”
Scenario 2:
I am sitting alone in the lunchroom.
I unpack my bag and realize that the nagging feeling that I forgot something that morning was in fact the good Dr. Pepper and his prescription for delicious.
Naturally to vent my frustration, I raise my hands into fists and quietly mimic a classic Captain Kirk:Khan::Darth Vader:NOOOO! just as Trendy Pretty Office Girl strolls in for her afternoon cuppa joe.
NOOO!
Scenario 3:
I am talking with a person who makes me nervous.
They crack a joke as I’m walking away that I don’t entirely understand.
I chuckle to acknowledge the joke as I walk down the hall, but as soon as it dies down, I roll my eyes at myself and let out another breath of nervousness for being too stupid to get the joke.
Since I don’t wear glasses at work sitting in front of a computer all day, I haven’t seen the Joke Originator’s BFF walking up to me from the other end of the hall, no doubt thinking I was rudely making fun of the J.O.
Or, if they even remotely know me, they’ll understand that this is just another day at the workplace for Nervous Nellie.
Actually, she sits next to me. I’m “Lauren that Weirdo.”