Thank you. Drive Through.

I was minding my own, at Wendy’s drive through the other day, when I happened to glance at the woman in the car behind me. She was on her cellphone. At a drive through.
I guess in today’s day and age, that wouldn’t be viewed as anything weird, but the first thought that came to mind was horror that she would have let someone hear her order. The next thing that came to mind was the possibility that she was a nice, normal person who ordered a nice, simple meal. Unlike me.
I try to hang up every time I order because I don’t care to share with my potential friend on the other end that I will only eat a hamburger well-done, with extra pickles, Biggie size, with a Dr. Pepper, and a small chili, and DON’T YOU FORGET THE SOUR CREAM OR CHILI SAUCE, BECAUSE THEN WHAT’S THE POINT? And that’s an easy meal.
And no, I don’t actually eat that much in one sitting. I very frequently dine with the price hump in mind. You know the price hump. The magical capitalistic theory that someone would be crazy enough to spend $9 on a small pizza, but then only $10 on a medium, or $11 on a large. Also known on the movie theater circuit as “No, I do NOT want to upsize for just 25 cents. Who could drink that much in two hours without spending 1/3 of it in the bathroom?”
So, to compensate getting over this price hump, I go out of my way to order bigger meals with the knowledge that I could have virtually the same meal a second night in a row without paying for gas, tip, or price hump.
But it never looks cool on Chinese food day at work. I order in bulk on a Friday to prepare myself for the weekend, all while my co-workers stare at me and quietly shuffle off to phone HR and tell them to raise our medical insurance premiums due to my impending heart attack.
Then our poor receptionist gets to order the simple “General Tso” or “Sweet and Sour Chicken” for everyone else on the list, but when it gets to me, it’s Cream Cheese Wontons, Vegetable Egg Roll, and Asian Chicken Salad with dressing on the side (so it doesn’t get all wilty), no rice sticks (because those are gross), and double crispy wontons (because I’m not paying for rice sticks if I’m not getting them!). And, if I’m feeling feisty, maybe one of those gross Boba drinks with the Tapioca balls in them that Chinese restaurants love to serve to us and then laugh as we actually drink them
Also, I don’t like people listening to me order at drive throughs, because I have too many hippie healthy-eating friends, and they make me feel guilty for audibly drooling in the middle of a conversation whenever I pull up to Carl’s Jr. for a chicken sandwich. Which is often.