I had THE most delicious of lunches today.
McDonalds is apparently attempting to recover from the Supersize Me/Atkins/Health Food craze, or as I like to call it, “The Delicious Food for Lauren Embargo of ’04,” and for once, I agree with them.
My dear cohort Justin has opened my eyes to many a thing, including but not limited to: the evils of our government, the “downside” to destroying wildlife for oil, and the fact that maybe we should regulate a tiny bit the nation’s fat kids shoving their faces full of cafeteria Twinkies all day long.
With this in mind, when I saw drove up to the McDonalds and saw the advertisement for an Apple-Grape-Walnut-Yoghurt Salad, I didn’t immediately think, “Oh, drop the act and inject my veins with Big Mac secret sauce,” like I do in almost every situation.
No, I felt proud that healthy food advocates were making a tiny bit of a difference. Then I looked in the rearview and saw a minivan full of Boobah-shaped middle America, and I realized that this poor salad was probably going to go under without even being given a chance.
It was up to me!
I ordered that damn salad, and if it wasn’t the most delicious thing I’ve eaten since I made Pretzel/Strawberry Surprise, I’ll eat my hat, provided it is made with that delicious salad.
Man. If health food shows have taught me anything, it’s that the trick to eating healthy is mixing food groups. You can eat 100 apples and not feel full, but when you throw in yoghurt and walnuts, some magic happens and you’re good to go.
Now, I’ll be honest. The yoghurt did taste a little bit too delicious to be 100% healthy and the walnuts were candied, but I’m sure it’s healthier than what I could have had.
I’m also sure that soon, healthy-food McDonalds-Hatas are gonna prove that eating this salad causes Contagious Exploding Head Cancer or something, but I’ll relish in its deliciousness for now.
I just hope no trendy hipsters make a new documentary called “Supersize My Contagious Exploding Head Cancer” or some crap and ruin this venture as well.
When “Supersize Me” came out and McDonalds threatened to stop supersizing, I sure as hell said to myself, “Aw, crap, now I gotta buy two orders of fries?!” and echoed with the inner monologues of most of America.
So, thank you, McDonalds for doing your part.
Please, please, please no one find a finger in the yoghurt.
I KNOW she was lying, but until I start growing walnut limbs, the whole situation is very unappetizing.