O-bits Stay Crunchy in Milk!

So I was reading this news article about a poor young Colorado girl who was hit by an ambulance. Tragic story. The article describes the accident, the scene, and the girl’s life. I particularly appreciated the level of personal depth the media went into this one. AND I QUOTE:
“On her MySpace.com Web site page, Hannah had posted that she drives a Honda Civic. She also said she defies “the stereotype of the typical teenager” and didn’t drink. She also listed her mother, father, brother and sister as her heroes.”
For the first time, MySpace is actually listed in a news article NOT about how soon you will get killed the second you sign up for MySpace. Unless the ambulance was driven by a sex offender pedophile under the MySpace handle XxSurfinBoulderDudexX, but that may be another article. What shocked me about this is that they actually researched her life NOT by asking her family and friends, but by MySpacing her.
This leads me to worry about what sorts of things might end up in obituaries for me or people I know if handed to a lazy reporter at 7:00 on a Friday night.
Lauren Kitsune was tragically hit by a police car earlier this week. She would like theme songs from various Discovery Channel shows played at her funeral, as they were her favorite kind of music. She loved them her whole life, ever since she was born in either Illinois or Missouri.
Lauren’s cousin Jordan, or J-Jo, as probably everyone called her, was struck earlier today by a metro bus. She is quoted as saying that she’s “kind of a big deal,” which leads this reporter to believe that she co-starred in the movie “Anchorman” with Will Ferrell. We only hope that up in heaven, she will meet who she is quoted as always wanting to meet: “BOYZ!”
Felicia, Lauren’s old roommate was tragically killed on Sunday by plowing into a 747 crash-landing on the freeway. The crash occurred in Pittsburgh, even though her MySpace suggests she lived in Wyoming. All Wyoming residents have been notified of her death, and 3 of them said they didn’t know her, while the other 2 just inexplicably beat up a gay person.
Apok was sadly squished the other day by a speeding hearse. He joined MySpace to meet your mom. We’re actually fairly certain he was already dead for a few months before this crash.
Sean, Lauren’s ex-boyfriend, was killed by a busload of Zombies traveling to Spring Break. Ironically, according to his MySpace, that is precisely what he feared the most. He is also quoted as often saying, “You

Comments are closed.