Letters to People Unlikely to Respond 3

Dear Laughing Male Students in My Class,
Hello! I want to offer my sincere apologies for what happened earlier today. You see, I was teased a lot as a child, and I’ve spent a lot of time fending off drunken hecklers in comedy clubs, so I have knee-jerk responses to certain things.
Now, sometimes people have the giggles. Anyone can understand that. But I repeatedly stopped my lesson to ask you self-consciously what was so funny. I checked my fly, I spun around to see if there was chalk on my pants. Nothing. This made you laugh harder, which again, I understand. I do look funny when I’m paranoid.
In my defense, I did try to work with you. I did that funny “Pretending to Strangle You” thing Kevin promised was Comedy Gold in all his classes, and it *was* pretty funny, but that didn’t stop you. I even asked the other teacher in the room, and he said he didn’t know what was so funny, either.
So I want to state publicly that it may not have been the most “mature” thing to stop class after your fourth outburst of laughter, stomp over to you two, and ask if you were lovers. Yes, maybe I shouldn’t have turned to the rest of the class, pointed to you, and asked “Boyfriends?” Furthermore, let me be the first to admit that making a little heart with my hands and holding it over your heads was probably going too far.
To that end, perhaps the other teacher should not have agreed with me and wished the two of you luck on your future happiness together. In the harsh light of day, I see that this type of humor appeals to the lowest common denominator. I mean, a gay joke? Really, I could do better.
But I’m sorry to say that the speed at which you both turned bright red and shut up for the rest of class only suggested to me that Negative Reinforcement is sometimes the way to go.
Please feel free to mock me any time outside of class. I’ll even give you a topic: I apparently eat donuts made only for stupid people.

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