It seems today that all you see…

I just watched the new episode of Family Guy, and I have to admit that I give it a B-. And most of that is for novelty and happiness that it’s back on.
And for the record, I know this episode has been leaked on the internet since Seth MacFarlane was in 4th grade, but I for one still enjoy the sanctity of watching a television event.
Sure, that television was without commercials because I recorded it on my Tivo, and sure, I watched it from three rooms away because I own x-ray glasses, but some things I hold sacred, ma’am.
I laughed. I laughed out loud. The same elements of slapstick that I always loved and hoped to see again were right there, but there was more.
Too much more.
First off, I detest obvious computer graphics.
Yes, I know everyone does it, but that doesn’t make it right.
When I used to watch Futurama, I was all into the show up until the ship took off.
Then suddenly no longer could I lap up Bender’s sarcastic comments or Leila’s sassy replies because the show suddenly looked like Jimmy Neutron fucking the cast of Monsters Inc.
It’s distracting when there are 2-dimentional characters zooming around a mall with perfect resolution and each car part is individually rendered and bump-mapped and source-coded and FTPed and I don’t even know what the hell I’m talking about anymore.
CG can kiss my shiny, metal ass.
But that’s not the worst offense.
Family Guy has contracted what I like to call Git-Er-Dun Disease.
This disease is not nearly as new as the actual phrase, but I think it’s the best way to describe something that is done solely for the purpose of the underground allure of itself.
I try very hard not to be one of those “I hate this now that it’s popular” snobs, because someone who writes something off like that is being just as inauthentic as the people they force themselves to hate. They think people follow trends blindly, so they follow the nonconformist road blindly right behind the line of other nonconformists.
But enough about why I hated high school.
Christopher Walken was a pretty cool actor before he started getting cast in everything as Christopher Walken. Did anyone see Envy? I was envious of anyone watching a different movie.
Throw Christopher Walken on SNL, tell him to say “cowbell,” and suddenly, he’s the funniest thing since sliced clowns.
Family Guy was hilarious because of its random characters without explanations and “alternative” humor with random squids appearing in kitchens and such.
American Dad tried to cash in a little too much onto this idea by piling a bunch of random scenarios into a character or situation, or coming down with Eugene-Mirman disease.
A nazi-brained-in-love-with-wife goldfish and his alien pal with a voice like ambiguously gay Paul Lynde? Paging Dr. Tries-Too-Hard and his sidekick, Purple Microwave Handglove Keanu-Reeves Cosplayer. See? I can make up a bunch of weird things, too! Give me a sitcom!
That said, Seth knew how to mediate this and do it right, but in this episode, bringing back these beloved characters so known for their randomness seemed so dirty.
Felicia, whose taste in comedy I respect, laughed at the funny parts, but stayed silent through the upside-down face kid, sketchy, pedophile old man, mysterious closet monkey, and Blacky Weather Newscaster guy, and do you want to know why?
Because they were secret nods to the hardcore fans who use the Closet Monkey as their livejournal icon and LOL at the graphic of the Blacky Weather Forecaster.
I’m down with secret nods, but they’re even better when they’re actually, you know, tied into something that would be funny on its own, not because of it.
But I’m not giving up on them.
I’ll keep watching Family Guy, and it’s okay if every episode isn’t hilarious.
I just don’t want it to degenerate into what the average idiot laps up.
Turn on any reality show to hear what the average idiot laps up.
Here’s your sign.

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