IAmGreat.com

You know what I’m sick of?
I’m sick of people on websites getting big and famous. Sour grapes? No. It’s because they become even more boring and self-involved than they already were.
I enjoy reading Greek Tragedy, but nowadays all the entries are about how her book’s coming out and how boring interviews are and how she feels about giving speeches at Borders. She’s a good writer. But…she’s also hot and talks about sex explicitly, which = media coverage. Nothing wrong with that, I guess, but anyone who’s seen “Sex in the City” should be so over that. People act like it’s breaking news that women have sex and talk about it.
I sometimes enjoy Maddox, and I very much approve of his scathing humor, but when I saw that his book was 30% off and next to a collection of Cathy comics and “Chicken Soup for the Authors Who Can’t Think of Another Damn Group to Give Chicken Soup To’s Soul” at a local Borders, I couldn’t help but smile a big smile. His book is all about being macho and butch, and when I gave it a pity thumb-through, it reeked too much of present-day Maxim magazine’s attitude of “I’m trying to hard to buck the sensitive guy image of the ’90s, so here’s a picture of me punching a baby! Edgy and fresh, right, guys?!” I can’t say that I hate him, though, because I enjoy his opinions on most things, and he doesn’t shamelessly tout his book. I just disapprove of the image he thought he had to portray to appeal to the masses in his book. Why not write a book on all the stuff he complains about? His articles have nothing to do with being manly. They have to do with common sense. I guess common sense doesn’t sell books, but if you want to appeal to frat boys, book-readin’ probably isn’t the smartest route. Might I suggest the visor and popped-collar industry?
Finally, there’s Tucker Max, who I won’t even grace with a link. I hate this guy more than I hate drunken self-absorbed aging frat boys, which is what he is anyway, so he is like an imploding void of my hate. To know my enemy without falling victim to the Shock-Jock-hatred conundrum (hating a DJ, but somehow still listening to his show every day) I have read a total of three of his stories, and each of them seethed so much hatred out of me that my hair almost caught on fire. He basically posts about what an drunken ass he is and how much everyone loves him. And since the internet is a cesspool of drunken asses, he gets a lot of hits, and then wrote a book about being an ass and people loving him. Now he posts about being famous and an ass and people loving him. What I hate about him is what I hate about Fifa and Madden games. We nerds used to have our safe havens of video games and the internet, but now that those things have been dumbed down for the masses, we’re subjected to all that crap. It’s like I have to take up friggin ham radio to be a nerdy minority anymore.
Anyway, I promise you that if I ever “make it” in the Internet or even the t-shirt business, I will try to keep it real and not punch any babies.

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