I read the news today, oh, boy

Now, normally I don’t like to talk about links on here, especially news links, because someone in the news says something retarded just about every other day and there’s no real need to report it here. But I’ve been noticing an alarming trend culminating in three articles I saw today on cnn.com, and I just have to bring them to your attention.
Let me preface this by talking about an annoyance that anyone smart enough to have found me in this corner of the internet no doubt shares with me. In my recent attempts to better myself, I have been reading a lot of “How To” books. The book in question is about screenwriting, and it included a chapter that was basically about “How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love The Computer.” It wasn’t really called that, but maybe if it were, the woman would be selling more movies instead of books on how to write movies if you catch my drift. Anyway, this majority of the book contained useful insider information and treated the readers as if they were each creative potential new talents, but this particular chapter treated them as if they were all elderly women who were shocked at the sudden emergence of all these wacky Automatic Teller Machines and escalators.
It actually contained the following phrase: “It’s amazing what can be done when computer geeks work with entertainment types!” This offended me to no end. That’s sort of like saying a 2-dimensional by-the-books insurance analyst and a flaky 2-dimensional free-spirit can’t possibly function as normal humans without each other. Oh, wait. That was just a crappy Ben Stiller movie I saw last night.
No, I just find it old-fashioned to think of the “computer geek” as this robotic, uncreative drone and the “entertainment type” as an artsy, computer-illiterate ink slinger instead of the various shades of in-between they all actually are. When will it finally be hack to shrug and sheepishly label oneself unable to grasp the functions of a basic word processor? Did all the carriage drivers of the past fold their arms and turn up their noses at the newfangled automobiles because they “just didn’t get” them? Or did they get their act together and get with the times?
I say that to bring to light these articles I read today which seem to be indicative of this growing trend of idiocy and fear.
First, I bring you this article which is about a murderer who is reported to have a growing number of supporters.
Quote of interest: “At least two Internet Web logs — known as blogs — chronicle all the twists and turns in the case…”
Firstly, HOLD THE PHONE, TWO WEB LOGS?!? CALL THE PRESIDENT!!
You know what? I know of at LEAST two websites that contain pornography for people who are aroused by women who can pop balloons with their asses, so don’t talk to me about two websites indicating a growing trend. Second, I’m sorry, but what person alive OR dead doesn’t know what a blog is by now? Who are they so afraid of alienating here? I know of dead monkeys without brains who frequently surf the internet AND update their web logs — known as blogs — so there.
Second, we have this story about a sexual predator who found his prey on MySpace.
Quote of interest: “What started out as a chat on MySpace.com has led to the arrest of a Castle Hills man…”
Either “chat” is now defined as an email or a comment on a message board, or some reporter didn’t do his homework. Oh, there IS a Chat feature on MySpace, but even if it hadn’t been broken since the day the code was written, any self-respecting computer user already has a chat program with which to communicate with his friends. Plus, if these sexual predators were able to actually access MySpace in the 15 minutes per day that it isn’t down, that’s a feat in itself, and there should be an article on THAT. Of course, that would probably just encourage more than 3 people to log on at once and it would crash again.
My guess is the San Antonio reporter of this article got the insider info on this breaking story and decided to use a hot buzz word that he learned about seven years ago so he could go back to his other pressing business of Gitting ‘Er Dun.
Third is an image that speaks for itself.

Do you know what else helps the hate culture? I don’t know, inbreeding? Fanatical religions?
Web sites don’t burn crosses. Are we going to have late breaking news of evil paper that allows supremacist literature to be printed on it? Is the media too tired of blaming video games for society’s evils? Why don’t they just seal the deal with everything I care about and blame societal ills on raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens? Why you gots to be all hating on the internet? Can a 9-sentence paragraph contain only one ending with a period?
On the flip side of this coin, we have people trying to drag viewers of traditional media (print and television) kicking and screaming by pointing out hip web trends to the masses the way a teacher points out pretty colors to a kindergartener. Case in point, the fact that the Chuck Norris Random Fact Generator was covered by the Washington Damn Post or that Patrice O’Suck’s new show “Web Junk 20” on VH1 is gaining acclaim for showing the same internet clips I saw two years ago on Gorilla Mask. Now, I haven’t even seen “Best Week Ever,” and I love “I Love The [Decade]” as much as the next person, but does it seem to anyone else like VH1 is just becoming sort of like a book about a bunch of really good books? Or like that one kid in high school who constantly quoted funny movies because he could never actually come up with something funny himself? But I digress.
My point is that the internet is a way of life, and it’s probably going to stay that way for a long time, so all everyone (present company excluded) needs to get with the program and accept it. When I’m more savvy than a significant portion of the masses, there needs to be a major societal change. Now, I think the internet closes at 4:00 on weekdays, so I will be keeping track of your comments on this abacus I have here. Thank you for your patience.

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