I fuck the crowd up. That’s what I do.
Young and successful. Sex Symbol.
Now bitches want me to fuck. True, true.

For my money, there is no higher form of comedy than cats meowing Christmas Carols.
I don’t care what anyone says.
I could listen to those little meowers for days and days.
Last night fucking rocked.
So many things came together to make it a really good night, and I would like to take a second here to completely brag about how great I am and how they should start teaching classes in grade school on how to be more like me.
First, eleven of my people showed up. That’s amazing right there.
That means that I got 9 minutes instead of the regular five.
Second, the crowd was HUGE. Tom said 70 people, I think.
Third, I had a super prime spot – sixth in a lineup of about sixteen.
The crowd was warmed up, but not tired of laughing.
Those are all the awesome factors out of my hands.
I wish, I wish, I WISH, I had brought the camcorder, but I honestly thought I hadn’t memorized my material sufficiently, and it just would have been a digital recording of my going down in flames. Not so.
I did, in fact, know my material, and the audience, in fact, liked it.
I still have to work on this one joke I think is a lot funnier than people give it credit for, but my new closer (which is absolutely so disgusting, I have to sit down for fifteen minutes and sob after I tell it) killed, and it was a good night in all.
BUT, that’s not even the awesome part.
The crowd afterwards kept coming up to me and shaking my hand, chuckling about how funny I was. Complete strangers, people I hadn’t invited…
These two attractive girls came up to me and said they wished they could be my friend so I could hang out with them all the time and make them laugh. One comic I’d never seen shook my hand and said I was the next Rita Rudner. Another person said I was a straight Ellen DeGeneres…
But most of all were the compliments from my friends.
A lot of people get pity laughs from their friends, but Paco and Adam are NOT afraid to come up to me and tell me how much I sucked. They look forward to it sometimes.
But Adam was just beaming, and gave me this huge hug. Adam doesn’t touch people. This meant a lot to me. And he kept saying “You’re just fucking funny” and shouting out to random passers-by, “YO, I KNOW this girl! Did you see her?”
Well, kids, while Adam is a walking advertisement for keeping your children off drugs, I appreciate the sentiment.
Paco came up to me and told me he was proud to know me and he felt like I was a celebrity.
I’m just glad no one came to see me Saturday.
But no, it’s so nice to have these ups with the downs.
This was honestly one of the cooler nights I’ve had in a long time.
I went next door to the Green Room and actually got Jessie to come up and sing Karaoke with me. I sang Hanky Panky, Santa Baby, and Sister Christian, and good times were had by all.
Who were not within hearing range.
With the help of some friendly comics, I narrowly avoided having Adam get into a fist fight after a few too many Guinesses, and with a promise of going out to eat with him, I led him and Gay Tom to their car, sent them on the way, and sneaked back to enjoy more festivities.
Also, my good friend Medvitz (his name is Tom, but I talk about too fucking many Toms) is back in town, and I, uh. I might be getting a place with him.
I may be moving out of my parents house. And Felicia may be joining us.
That would rock above all else.
I think all this was what my weird feeling was about.
Change is good, people.
And right now, I’m just more tuckered out than a long-tail cat in a rocking chair factory, so I am going to finish Dreamcatcher, and drift off to sleep thinking of my awesome night. Or blood sucking aliens.
Either one.

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