Have a truly dooley day!

Well, folks, I actually have an excuse this time.
If viruses were movies, my home computer could have starred in the movie Philadelphia.
(always nice to open up a blog with a good, old-fashioned AIDS joke, huh?)
My computer is on the brink of exploding and killing thousands with bits of mp3s and snippets of comedy material flying all over the place.
And my spilling a glass of lemonade into the keyboard earlier today was the final straw.
It now only lets you type the number 4, and it doesn’t understand what this “Notepad.exe” is that everyone keeps talking about.
Yeah, it’s fucking fried.
What I’m going to do is let my good friend Tom gut it out, I’m going to purchase a new keyboard so’s to salvage some comedy material and amusing jpegs of kitties being cute I’ve collected over the past 4 years since my last major computer explosion, and hopefully, I’ll have a brand-spanking new computer, and damned if I’m going to install kazaa on my new baby.
No, I shall have Windows, Word, Winamp, Internet Explorer, and Yahoo Messenger (for Felicia) and that is IT.
Okay, maybe some old Zork and Quest for Glory games, BUT ONLY IF YOU GET ME TO PROMISE TO PLAY THEM NON-STOP, Buster Brown!
It’ll be nice to have a computer that doesn’t suck.
And since my last iteration of computer that Joe tried to fix was shit and had half the processing speed it should, I’ve gotten used to that, and now, hopefully, with my new baby, it will call up webpages before I even ASK for them, it’ll be so fast.
And I haven’t been able to update at work, because, thanks to this new awesome shift, and my shitty immune system, I got strep-throat again from switching my sleep schedule, and for the past week, I have been wishing for death.
I hope I get used to it soon, but I sure don’t tire from all the people asking me if I want to kill myself yet!
No, really, it really helps me out!
I mean, considering I have absolutely no choice in this matter, and this is the only shift I can take at this juncture, especially since I’m going to be taking on a second job in June, and silly me for not wanting to work from 3 PM to 11 PM, because everyone knows how much you can nuture a comedy career by playing clubs at 2 in the afternoon!
Thanks for your support, readers, friends, and mom!
It sure would suck if you actually tried to be supportive instead of reminding me how much I want to kill myself!
And speaking of comedy, that has just been going GREAT!
I mean, who CARES that the last 4 times I’ve been onstage, they were in shit-holes and I ate it, and I am weary of my material and need to get the hell out of the Pittsburgh scene, because there are no more open mics to use to grow and nurture myself with.
And, I heartily thank the young gentleman who wrote to me screaming about how much of a God Dave Chappelle is and that he wants to make sweet, sweet man-love to him, and who the fuck am I to have an opinion of someone?
He made such a good point!
Who AM I to not believe what the rest of the population regards as the best, funniest programming on television?
An independant thought?! CA-RAZY!!
Ha ha! I’m white! Isn’t that STUPID?!?!? What a MORON I am!
And I also thank the guy for sharing with me an anecdote about how he gathered his whole office around his computer to watch my set, and they all unanimously shouted “She sucks!”
MAN, WHO DOESN’T do that in their offices?
Why, you can barely swing a dead CAT around this town without hitting an office building full of people watching my set and declaring I suck!
I am so glad I have a website, and I loooove comedy!
Hooray for life!!!!

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