Hallowe’en

I need to do something cool to get in the Halloweeny mood.
I’m not on the east coast anymore, so I can’t just go to Joe and Ange’s house — your one-stop shop for your year-round Halloween needs!
I don’t even have my Nightmare Before Christmas DVD.
I don’t have any parties to go to, since I called up each and every one of my friends out here, and Melissa said she would probably be in bed before 8:00.
I can’t decide if we live in a neighborhood with enough kids in it to stay at home and hand out candy, and even if we did I don’t think it would be wise for children to be walking around at night.
For one thing, I’ve seen a homeless guy going through our trash, and he might be sneaky enough to dress up as a little kid dressing up as a homeless guy as a ploy to get some candy.
And then when I think it’s him, I wrestle him to the ground and tear off his mask only to find out that it IS a little kid, and boy is my face red!
What’s more, I don’t know enough Spanish to have trick-or-treaters tell me, “I don’t want Sweet Tarts, give me a fucking Kit-Kat, Esse.”
(Copyright Joe Eberle)
So, I’m not sure what I’ll be up to, but you can be damn sure my plans for the next couple of days include finding a cat-sized bee costume.

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