Hack, *cough*

I’d like any comedians, comic artists, or people who are interested in the field of comedy to open today’s “funny” pages.
This being National Reading Week or some crap, seemingly every comic artist went to their friendly local Associated Press feed or whatever, and made the very first joke about the very first thing that came up.
“Drabble” and “Family Circus” made the exact same joke, (the Drabble author should jump off a bridge for that faux pas), that one should learn to read just so’s they can read the TV guide. (Cue Todd Glass: “WAH, WAH, WAAAAAH!” *shrug*)
“Dennis the Menace” made the deliciously ironic but not-applicable self-referential joke that one should start learning to read with “the funny stuff” and has the Comics section of the newspaper open.
“Zits” made another reference about reading so much, you don’t have time to think about how much you read. (What?)
That’s just my local paper, too.
I can only assume that Zippy the Pinhead made a hilarious joke about reading, containing the word “the” with an apostrophe in place of the “e,” and “Mutts” made a wacky animal’s-point-of-view reading joke with an “sh” in place of any “s.”
Man, I had to extend my lunch break by half an hour just to stop laughing…
What we learn from this, people, is that there is a reason the first thing that pops in your head is hack. It’s because it’s what popped into everyone else’s head, too.
These comic artists have the most coveted jobs of thousands of artists, and they just squander it with the easiest, first joke they can think of.
These people make a LIVING on making black-and-white line drawings. They have the option of spending 8 HOURS A DAY to keep the jokes flowing.
I know some days the well must run dry, but guess what.
When anyone else in the rest of the universe — without an ill-deserved syndication tenure — does their job half-assed, and, in the creative industry, makes the easiest joke, they get sacked.
Along the same vein, the next comedian who makes a joke about viagra — how the commercial says if you have a four-hour erection to call your doctor, and if YOU have a four-hour erection, the first person you’re calling isn’t gonna be the doctor unless she’s really hot, and by the way, have you seen these drug commercials? Have you seen these? This pill for bladder control has a few side effects. Now, this is true. “Diarrhea, abdominal cramping, headaches, nausea” — YOU’D rather not have the bladder control! Also Monica Lewinsky! And what’s the deal with Michael Jackson! Have you heard this? Clap if you’ve heard of Michael Jackson. I hear he likes boys! WAH, WAH, WAAAAAH!…..I will personally beat you with the microphone stand until you bleed a joke that is actually funny. Then I will be tried for murder.
Thank you.

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