Fuck Matt Bower

Was everybody nice to Felicia?
I didn’t warn you that she was going to blog, and then she just did!
I got virtually no hate mail!
Well, I got one from an anonymous mailer who seemed awfully supportive of Felicia, and in fact, suggested that she take over the site, instead of the rambling bitch who doesn’t even appreciate great movies and cheesesteaks with her friend Brett.
It was indeed a curious email.
Perhaps someday I will find the culprit.
So, you can go to DuckDuckDuckGoose and read my new update — and it’s MY week to be the star, so you’d better read it and laugh heartily!
My topic for tonight is based off of a small altercation in a forum over The Passion of the Christ.
People have said, “don’t go in there on a full stomach” or “don’t go in there without a tissue”.
I say, “don’t go in there without a pillow”.
SnoreFest 3000, people.
And I’m actually not saying this to be contrary, as I am wont to do.
The movie bored me.
It could have been called “The Passion of the Sandwich” and been 2 hours about a delicious turkey on rye.
Mmmm…turkey on rye.
It was just a beating.
Okay? A two hour long beating.
Add an hour, throw a fucking hobbit in, and watch it sweep the awards show next year.
(Anyone notice that neither Jesus nor hobbits wear shoes? Huuuuh?…
And you’ve never seen Jesus and Elijah Wood in the same room together?
Think about it…
I’m not saying Elijah Wood is Jesus, I’m just saying…
Food for thought, my friends. Food for thought.)
So yeah.
Betrayal.
Beatings.
Next?
Okay, sure, it’s Jesus. Woo. Props for the Big Guy.
And the movie’s portrayal was probably pretty accurate.
And?
Worth all the hoopla?
Nope.
And, it’s not in the VERY LEAST TINIEST BIT anti-semitic.
Okay. Jews killed Christ. True. Sorta.
Then “Christians killed gays” is also true, because of Matthew Shepard over in Wyoming.
And “Buddhists are sexual pimps.”
Because I know one guy who is a buddhist, and he is a mothafuckin p-i-m-p.
Nothing that was said in the movie, hasn’t been said in THE VERY BASE DOCTRINES OF THE CHRISTIAN RELICION FOR 2004 YEARS.
Getting in a huff about this movie is like getting in a huff about failing your 8th grade Geology test every time you see a rock.
Nothing new here, people.
Move along now.
It’s a shame I actually went to see this movie, instead of like, some movies that I actually wanted to see. Like 50 First Dates.
Wait, that’s Anti-Memoric!
EVERYONE WITH SHORT TERM MEMORY LOSS WANTED TO BOYCOTT THAT MOVIE, TOO,
but then they forgot.
OH! I’ll be here all week, ladies and gentlemen.
So yeah, I saw the Passion because my television told me to.
I am a cog in the capitalist machine.