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FAQs
Yes, many have said, in whiny snivelling voices, that these aren't actually
Frequently
Asked Questions, but I take what I can get.
FAQ now stands for FuckYouAtLeastOnePersonHas AskedThese Questions.
Where'd you come up with the domain name "Honey Bee Manor"?
I wanted a domain that was moderately easy to remember that also meant
something to me and had something to do with the content that was going to be included.
Since I love the video games and I am a girl, I picked my very favorite video game of all
time -- Final Fantasy 7 -- and selected a particularly risque scene -- the scene where Cloud
has to dress up like a girl to get into the Don's palace, and asks for help from some
Hookers dressed like bees.
The very premise is so ridiculous, that I had to incorporate
it into my website.
The one problem I've run into is that spoken, it sounds like "Honey
Bee Manner," so I end up spelling it out and then everyone's confused and they type in
"honeybeemansion.com" and it's just one big mess, so let's not talk about it any more.
Where did you come up with the name "Kitsune"?
Kitsune is the nickname of the character Mitsune Konno in the anime Love Hina.
I chose the name for many reasons. I love the series, wah wah wah, but honestly,
she's sort of a mixture of what I really am and how I'd like to be. She's the crafty
party girl who's mischevious and sly (Kitsune means "fox" in Japanese), but deep down,
she's really loyal to her friends.
Also, she dresses like a boy and has one eye half-closed.
Oh, and hey, it's not "KIT-soon". In my wacky American head, it's "Kit-SOON-ay", but the
way Japanese people pronounce it, it's more like "KIT-soon-uh".
So, there you go.
Why the hell do you blog? Pretty exhibitionist isn't it?
I have no delusions about the audacity of owning a website and speaking as if people
actually visited it.
It's sort of a way to live a secret life of gregariousness in my
decidedly equivocal Real Life.
(I went to college to talk like that crap!)
What I may have delusions of, however, is the fact
that I think I'm one of the funniest people in my immediate neighborhood at least.
A lot of people don't think I'm funny -- in fact, my ex-roommate Sam gave me the highest
compliment when he said I was slightly funnier than a leaf.
But I can stand in front of
the mirror and make funny faces at myself or say a word like "gherkin" or "snifter" and
laugh hysterically for hours.
My webpage is my cyber-mirror where I say silly words to
make myself laugh.
If it makes you laugh too, then we are a rare breed and we should be
friends, because not many people think this shit is funny.
At least not people I know.
Where did you go to college? What was your major?
I went to Vanderbilt University in Nashville, and I graduated with a double major in
English and Theatre, and was one credit away from a Film Studies Minor, but I was fucked
by The System and Its Technicalities.
And yes, ha ha, what do you do with a double major
in English and Theatre, you ask? You do stand-up and correct grammar all day at work so you can come home and maintain a diminutive website.
Have you paid off all your debt yet?
Actually, I have paid my student loans. Thanks for asking.
I just have an unhealthy hatred towards banks, and I try to pay off all debt immediately just to
spite them.
Also, I relish in bringing mountains of rolled change to count 3 minutes before they close.
Advantage: Lauren. Take THAT, Bank! That one's for the $30 overdraft fee.
I am in debt with my car, but it's
only a five-year loan since I paid such a huge down payment.
That may not be very interesting,
but it's very nice to know that I actually drive a car that I paid for.
What are you wearing right now?
A silly pink headband, a t-shirt from my high school, pajama pants with kitties on them
and an expression of playful amusement.
What are you going to do with your life?
I ultimately want to move to California and write for television, but before that, I have to live a little.
I spent some time in Switzerland to find myself and planned on coming back and high-tailing it the fuck out of dodge.
Then I discovered the world of comedy, and it seems like I may have to stay in this shithole of a town so's
I can work on an act.
If everything goes to plan, though, I should be leaving this town as a professional comedian, get a sufficient job in Hollywood, get married, have one kid (boy), get divorced and die.
What was the name of the movie you were in?
It was called "Bump in the Night" starring Christopher Reeve and Meredith Baxter
and I'm oddly uncredited.
Perhaps this is because I'm pictured for one second during the
opening credits.
But I was 10 and I got paid $300 and I saved it for 10 years and it
helped pay off my student loan.
So rock.
What's your favorite musical and why?
"Miss Saigon."
I can sing every word in both recordings.
It's about hookers.
I am currently drawing out an all-cat comic version of the musical to be read alongside the CD.
It should be ready in about 14 years.
What was your favorite role that you've played?
Sheila from "Chorus Line." I was able to play a brassy, flirtatious bitch who
sings about how she was able to forget about all the things that suck in life by going to
the ballet, which is exactly what theatre, movies, and television do for me.
What character from Family Guy would you be and why?
Adam West. Because he's out of his gourd.
If you could be any character from any FF game, who would it be and why?
Rikku from Final Fantasy X, because then I could have sex with Auron like in my dreams.
I should probably not go around saying things like that, huh?
How did you come across Porkfry.com, Hotbutteredfunk.com, Shaftcity.com, and skullz.org?
Same way everyone did. Penny Arcade led me to Porkfry, and I met everyone else besides
Apok on the portals there. I got to know Apok once I became a regular at HotButteredFunk.
To my credit, I have met the following online people in real life:
Porkfry, Apok, Butah P, K80K, Shawn, Joe Cool, Sqwee, Majin/M-Tron, Phreak, zanbowser, and, of course, Rock the 40 oz.
Why is the Democratic Party so great and the Republican Party is a bunch of bought off, money grubbing corporate whores? Please?
Because you are just like every other mindless young graduate who thinks just because
you fuck trees, hate killing murderers, and love handing your paychecks to smack addicts
with babies popping out of every orifice, that you should do what everyone else does and
hate Republicans, until you get to forty and realize that you're not a dirty hackey-sackin'
hippie anymore. That is why, Chris. This is a nonpartisan website. Now go read your Doonesbury and lick your Al Gore poster.
What units does one measure radness in? I think rads are already used to measure something else...
If I know anything about math, and I don't, rad is short for radian, which, oddly enough, does measure radness.
Arc lengths are very radical.
What's your favorite villian from a movie?
Easy. Keyser Soze. He'll fuck you up, and you won't even know.
You won't even know.
What's your favorite piece of 80's pop culture?
Shakespeare.
HAHAHA! See, I pretended like I thought you meant the 1580s,
since I don't remember anything about the 80s except for some colorful acid-induced
bear type things called Popples.
What absolutely never fails to cheer you up?
Eating cake and laughing at something.
Even if I'm in the depths of misery, if I see
some old lady fall down, forget about it.
What are your top 5 CDs of all time (in no particular order)?
Counting Crows - August and Everything After
Pink Floyd - Dark Side of the Moon
Radiohead - OK Computer
Ben Folds Five - Whatever and Ever Amen
Dave Matthews - Before These Crowded Streets
Self - Breakfast With Girls
Shut up, I have a top 6 CDs.
And the top 5 celebrities with whom you'd like to have your way?
Ewan McGregor
Jason Lee
David Cross
Adam Sandler
Seth MacFarlane
Favorite Foods?
Grilled Cheese
Primanti's Steak and Cheese (steak, provolone, fries, coleslaw, and tomatoes on italian bread)
Big Mac
Cake
Pringles
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