Warning: No one should read any of these jokes. I do not condone these jokes, and I, myself, am not a fan of dead babies.
As a matter of fact, I am very Pro Live Babies, and an active Anti Dead Baby advocate.
If you or anyone you know is offended or saddened by the thought of death or babies, or dead babies, I beg you to press the back button on your browser.
Repeat: Do not read this page. Anyone.

That is all.




What is blue and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?
- A baby with slashed floaties.

What's red and sits in a highchair?
- A baby eating razor-blades.

How do you make a dead baby float?
- Glass of Root Beer, scoop of ice cream, scoop of dead baby.

What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window?
- A baby in the microwave.

What has 4 legs and one arm?
- A Doberman at a playground.

What is more fun than stapling dead babies to the wall?
- Pulling them off.

How do you load 100 screaming babies onto a truck?
- A pitchfork.

What's small, red and can't get into elevators?
- A baby with a javelin in it's head.

What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
- A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.

What's the proper gift for a dead baby?
- A dead puppy.

What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
- A baby with forks in its eyes.

How do you stop a baby from looking up at you with that cute little baby face and gurgling happily with that little baby mouth and waving at you with those little baby fingers and little baby toes?
- Gouge its eyes out.

What is a sure way to stop a baby from crying?
- With an axe.

What's the difference between a baby and a bagel?
- You can put a bagel in the toaster. You have to put the baby in the oven.

What is 18" long, cold and stiff, and makes a woman scream in the morning?
- Crib death.

How do you spoil a baby?
- Leave it out in the sun.

How many babies does it take to paint a house?
- Depends how hard you throw them.

How do you get a baby to run faster?
- Chase it with the lawn mower.

What do you get when you put a dead baby in a blender?
- Hold on. I'll tell you in a second.

How do you stop a baby from choking?
- Take your dick out of its mouth.

What's funnier than a dead baby?
- A dead baby in a clown costume!

What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals?
- A bus load of babies on fire.

What's better than ten dead babies nailed to a tree?
- One dead baby nailed to ten trees.

What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?
- You can't fuck the shit out of rock.