Lauren: what are you doing up?
Jake: I gotta stay on the wagon this time
Lauren: wait, isn’t the wagon bad?
Jake: the wagon’s good
Jake: it takes me to the land of internet archived mediocrity
Lauren: oh, falling off the wagon is bad
Lauren: see, i always imagined a big wagon full of alcohol
Lauren: i never understood why everyone thought falling off it was bad
Lauren: because you only fall off it if you’re drunk
Lauren: i need to stop making up backstories for idioms
Jake: you need to read made in america
Lauren: i just bought a million books in tokyo
Jake: really awesome bill bryson book about english language, culture and how the phrases we use got to be there
Jake: did you know phrases like “I should be so lucky” were Yiddish?
Lauren: huh, i guess i never thought about it
Lauren: but it makes sense
Jake: just try and hear that in any other voice than “jewish mom”
Lauren: well, i’m off the wagon for now
Lauren: i’m off to bed
Lauren: or do i post this hysterical IM? the world may never know
Jake: post tit!
Jake: i intentionally wrote tit
Jake: how sad I am
Lauren: you’re so self-aware
Lauren: it’s like we’re in a kevin smith movie