I blush.
It must be a new thing, because I didn’t think I used to. Or maybe people only recently started pointing it out to me. I don’t really like it, because I like to show a calm, cool, and collected veneer, and then my dumb face shows my true feelings. Well, sometimes, it’s not even my true feelings. I don’t know. Maybe you can figure it out. Here are some times it has happened recently that didn’t make sense.
1. A co-worker walked in on me painting my nails.
Why a normal person might blush: They are supposed to be doing work and feel guilty for being caught.
Why I shouldn’t blush: We’re friends, and I know she doesn’t care what I do, as long as I get the work done, which I do.
2. I found a phrase I didn’t know and looked it up on wikipedia. Turns out it’s a hard-core sex term. Flash forward to 5 minutes later, where I’m still absorbing all the (interesting!) information the site, and my boyfriend sitting next to me glances at the page, looks at me, and says, “What are you reading there?”
Why a normal person might blush: Being “caught” reading something dirty online, albeit informational.
Why I shouldn’t blush: I don’t care what he sees me reading! I’ve talked about dirtier stuff in my stand-up act. I just…didn’t know the scientific word for it.
3. Telling my co-workers a story about how I once got so mad at a car salesman, I got up walked out of the dealership.
Why a normal person might blush: Well, I don’t think a normal person would. A person with anger-management issues might get red just thinking of it, though.
Why I shouldn’t blush: I don’t have anger-management issues? Maybe?
Those are the three that I can think of right now, but it’s been more than that, and I’m SICK of it! I don’t get it. There’s nothing lamer than acting cool when everyone can see your red face or your flop sweat or your stutter or whatever other people do.
I can kind of feel it, too. My face starts getting hot, and I know the person looking at me is seeing it, and then any embarrassment that I didn’t have before manifests itself because of a dumb physiological reaction that I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER. And now I have to go because my blushing is making a glare on my computer monitor. I bid you good day!

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