525,600 minutes of crap.

Well, I was going to do a whole year-in-review thing that I like to do, so I’m going back over my old entries, starting with January, and as I stumbled upon the first post of last January where I reviewed the previous year, I came to the comclusion that, well, this year was pretty much uneventful.
I mean, sure, cool stuff went down, but so many life-changing things happened two years ago, that I don’t know if this last year had a prayer.
Ah, well.
Prepare to be bored.
2004, we barely knew ye
– I wrote last year’s year-in-review.
– I’m an idiot.
– I let Jed guest blog on this site, and the internet tore him a new vagina.
– I got a new job and found an apartment to live in with Felicia.
– I started the hard-to-update-because-see-I-have-this-other-website-I-can-barely-be-interesting-on DG^3 with three other intarweb hot shots who, between you and me (and them) have enough trouble updating their *own* sites, if you know what I mean. *wink*
– …Wait a second, that wasn’t innuendo at all.
– Moved into my new apartment.
– Visited Joe in Baltimore and got him to fix (break) my (okay, already broken) computer, then give me a new motherboard.
– Started new job.
Odd sensation of not wanting to kill myself every single day still hard to get used to.
– Watch “Dawn of the Dead.” Terror of zombies begins a new chapter of my life. Roommate does great impression of zombies.
– Become broke, sell most of my life on eBay.
– Join an Improv group. What is left of my life is now p0wned by rehearsals and writers’ meetings.
– I stop watching Comedy Central. My One Channel Of Choice is now Nickelodeon, because I seem to be regressing in age. Don’t fuck with my Fairly Odd Parents. (BEST SHOW EVAR)
– Start working nights. Insomnia cured. Wishing to kill myself every day…slowly returning.
– I go on my first road trip, complete with hotel and everything. Clearly, this was the pinacle of my comedy career.
– Health insurance kicks in. I purchase my patented “Naughty Secretary” glasses.
Become more popular.
– I manage to talk about Iraqi prisoners, 9/11, abortions, Catholisism, my dad nearly losing his job, and zombies IN ONE POST. *sigh* Man, it exhausts me to just *think* of that.
I’m glad I don’t care about stuff anymore.
– Um. Other stuff happens? Begin slippery slope of non-updating?
– Spur-of-the-moment Road Trip to New York with Felicia. Best adventure ever!
– Decide that since I work nights, SHIT, why not take on another job, and work at the Theater Camp?!
– Develop unhealthy crushes on underage campers and staff members.
– Sprain my ankle which continues to hurt as I type this, because Physical Therapy does not grow on trees.
– Lack of sleep causes me to whine a lot about how sad my life is. BO-RING!
– Theater Camp performances rock. I have my monthly Anxiety Attack backstage during a scene change.
– Skipped out on HBF Vegas fun time in exchange for some “me” time.
– Dropped out of Improv troupe for some “me” time.
– Decided I would relax and play video games and do whatever I wanted because I deserved it! (Have not stopped)
– Turn 24. Whee.
– Trade my iPod to my brother for an Xbox. My iPod was broken, sucka!
– Start playing KOTOR. Life changes. Faith in video games re-affirmed.
– Visit Melissa in L.A. Promise to move there “L.A.”S.A.P.
(Did not actually make that joke until right now. Would have been funnier six months ago.)
– I complain about the comic Zippy. It is soon removed from syndication, at least in my city.
I make a difference!
– Continue doing my mediocre 10 minutes of comedy for apathetic crowds.
I was apathetic once. So apathetic, that I almost entered an Apathy Contest, but, eh…
I won.
– Okay, so I get my first paid gig at the Funny Bone. Still, though. Suckola.
– Many KOTOR related jokes in posts and life ensue.
– Back to day shift! Life begins anew!
– Visit to Baltimore again for Halloween season.
– Begin bothering inter-best-friend to visit me finally after almost 3 frigging years.
– Elections coming. Impending feeling that entire country hates me.
– Feeling confirmed!
– Road gig way the fuck out there. Ridiculously underpaid for travel length, but just about right for quality of humor.
– Visit brother’s frat house in Boulder for Thanksgiving. Give thanks that I am not a boy.
– Inter-best-friend visits. Fun ensues.
– Decide I’m artistic, and begin making mosaics.
– Christmastime and New Year’s are tons of fun. First for both celebrated on my own, in my apartment.
Well, there you have it.
I guess, looking back, it wasn’t so back. Not as epic, but not every year can be.
It ended up pretty good, and I think this year’s gonna shape up to be not so shabby.
I read that my last year’s resolution was not to make any more resolutions and to abolish as many as I’d previously made, so I think I’ll stick with that one.
Dear Lauren One Year From Now,
You’d better have been funny this last year, because reading over *my* past years’ entries have been a laugh riot.

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