When I started this website on January 3rd, 2002, it was mainly because I spent way too much time on forums and wanted a legitimate web presence. It had a mild following in its day, mainly because I sweet-talked larger blogs into driving me traffic.
But I was always secretly mad that none of my Real Life friends read it. I could email it to them. I could print out passive-aggressive blog entries about them and leave it on their dorm-room pillows, but it just wasn’t the SAME as one of them coming up to me and saying, “You know, that entry with an esoteric music lyric used to complain about grammar in secondary education? That was really something.”
I wrote articles for my high school’s paper, and, not to toot my own horn, but people talked about them. Okay, some of the sports teams didn’t exactly love my mocking their scholarships to Princeton despite their inability to compose coherent sentences, followed by, “And they won’t know I said it, because they probably can’t read!” But it had people talking in the hallways, and it made me smile when people said my writing “could be heard in [my] voice in their heads.” So when complete strangers told me they enjoyed my blog, I couldn’t help but imagine how many more cool points I’d get from my FRIENDS if they’d only read it.
Times changed. My friends who barely had email addresses started getting a small presence in social media, ending up with everyone I’ve ever known joining facebook, privy to my every word just by logging in. Think of the possibilities! No time to quote random song lyrics anymore; people are BORED! And maybe I can help!
I spent time in Japan, where I was far away enough from my info-hungry family and had enough wacky experiences to have a semi-regular blog. My friends there had semi-regular blogs themselves, and we’d catch up on weekends, unplugged, swapping new stories and having adventures to blog about later.
I got back from Japan. I had some sad relationship times and some sad job times. I felt weird blogging about what I did that week, when it was eat cucumber sandwiches, apply to 45 jobs that never got back to me, and silently avoid my ex-boyfriend with whom I shared the tiniest apartment ever invented.
Then happy stuff happened! So much happy stuff that, I tell myself, I barely had time to blog about it. Plus, when I was blogging to the faceless masses, for some reason, it didn’t feel wrong to share my joys and triumphs. But when I sat down to write something that I knew would be posted to my facebook wall (AND OF COURSE I have to post it there if I write it! My dreams of Real Life friends being online have finally come true!) it…felt weird. My one friend who lost a job and needed to support two kids. Another who lost a parent. Yet more who changed their long-term relationship status to single. How could I, in good conscience, post confetti about how happy I was, how I had found the love of my life, the job of my dreams, everything was coming up Laur-house?
I guess that’s a cop-out, but it’s true. Also, there were others I didn’t necessarily want to share *anything* with. After all, I *am* friends with everyone I’ve ever met, including the jocks from high-school who got those scholarships. What if they’re reading this RIGHT NOW? Awkward! And don’t talk to me about limited profile, blocking, or hiding, because I’ve been burned by that in the past, and it’s almost MORE awkward. I’m held hostage by my own rule of “if you don’t want someone to see something, don’t be friends with them.”
But peeps be havin’ obliGAtions, ya dig? Family, young kids from when I worked at camp, elderly teachers. Sure, every-so-often status updates are fine and cute, but the wordy blog posts ported into my notes systems for everyone I know to read and judge (or not read, because they’re so wordy. Well, I guess that’s where the judging comes in?) it was everything I’ve always wanted, and it was too much.
Until now. Until I make a new year’s resolution to write more, to find more adventure in life and talk about it, whether I think people want to hear it or not, since it sure doesn’t stop me in real life! I’ve been known to start stories to a group of people with, “Now, HERE’S a boring story,” just so they can’t fault me for the ending! (Hint: it *never* is boring, which makes it a double-joke!) For the first time in 9 years, I didn’t have a year-in-review blog, which is more for me than anyone else, but I really used to enjoy seeing where the previous year had taken me. Cursed with an awful memory, I can barely remember what I was DOING last new year’s, let alone all my dramatic ups and downs.
So here we are. I have a blog at http://honeybeemanor.com. You’re probably reading this as a note on FB, or you got directly here from a twitter link, but there should be more in the future. Hopefully more interesting than this one, but I have fun writing them, so feel free to ignore at your leisure.