Look. There are a lot of things I could say.
I could say, “Hey, due to things I’d rather not get into, I wanted to keep a low internet profile. No, Twitter and FB status updates don’t count. Shut up.”
I could say, “I found out I have a [ed. note: harmless] disease, and it hurt so much that my [ed. note: herculean, super hot] body was fallible and human [ed. note: and I wasn’t secretly a robot, as I’d hoped] that I didn’t want to be creative and witty.”
I could say, “I’m so busy writing other things that it took the wind out of my blogging sails.”
I could say, “I’d love to blog, but I’m watching the entire series of ‘Twin Peaks’ with Melissa.”
I could say, “The Me that my friends from Japan helped me discover has finally emerged in Los Angeles, and not only have I gotten back into stand-up, but I spend my evenings and weekends being social and hanging out with new and old friends and going to parks and playing sports, and, yeah, the unfortunate side-effect of all that is not being around rule the internet, as I once did.”
I could even say, “I usually just blog about the latest thing that infuriates me, but now that I’ve met someone really amazing, it’s hard for me to find things wrong with the world, which now, to me, just looks like a chorus line of kittens and puppies dancing in front of me and brushing me lightly with their soft fur.”
But no one likes excuses, so I’m not going to say any of that! That you’re here at all is a testament to your enduring patience and forgiveness, and I’ll try to be better. I even have the daunting task nagging at the recesses of my mind of uploading the last [ed. note: “last” 3/4, that is] of my pictures from Japan, so if that’s your thing, look, um, look forward to it.
I’ve missed you. Let’s be friends still, okay?