We’ve got tonight, babe

There’s a radio station out here that plays only songs I love.
This is weird, because I have a shitty taste in music and can therefore not understand why anyone but me would ever listen to this station, but whatever, suckers!
It’s called Jack FM and my old chumpy pal Damon has informed me that it is a national station or some crap, so maybe some of you know what I’m talking about.
Their slogan is “We play what we want,” and…are you ready?
…THERE ARE NO D.J.s!!!
Oh, my gosh, it’s like a birthday wrapped in Christmas wrapped in a Bat Mitzvah EVERY DAY.
Well, except for 4:30 every day when this lame commercial comes on with four idiots pretending like they’re D.J.s and they talk about the shows on CBS that night, only it’s self-reflexive and they constantly joke about not being real D.J.s and being on a commercial and being not funny.
But, still, the station is awesome and there’s just this one spokesguy with one of those bored hip voices who comes on every couple songs and says snarky things like, “You can request it, but we’re not gonna play it,” or “You want a traffic update? If you see a lot of cars standing still with their brake lights on, you’re in traffic.” AND THAT’S IT.
They bring on all my favorite hits from the ’70s, ’80s, and ’90s.
Okay, so they don’t play musicals or J-Pop, but they have to make SOME money apparently.
Anyway, I’m all about it.
Man, I still can’t get over it.
It’s like the universe is finally starting to listen to me.
Maybe Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller will stop making movies, too.
NOT speaking of, it seems a lot of things are a lot funnier out here.
All the radio commercials are witty and pithy and ditto local TV commercials, billboards, down to little hand-written signs inside stores.
In other news, I went to Kansas for the weekend, however, for my friend Jean’s wedding.
It was so depressing to see everyone because it reminds me how much I miss my old friends.
I guess when you hang out with comedians, you sort of forget that you have an old circle of friends that is legitimately hilarious and knows how to make you laugh more than any routine and character.
From driving with Petra who’s screaming in the thickest ever Southern accent that she needs a boyfriend because her eggs are going to start mutating at 27 to Jean reminding us all of her favorite joke of whenever anyone says something like “How are you, Jean?” she screams “Who’s Eugene?!” and stomps off.
We all had quite a snicker when the priest said, “Do you, Jean, take this man…” and she recounted to us later that at this point, she almost threw her bouquet on the ground and stomped out of the church.
And how can anyone forget how similar Damon is to Brian Griffin and never passes up a chance at either alcohol or making fun of Lauren.
And it was delightful to see Jodie and StuBen, who peer pressured me into eating my entire waffle that had a truck stamped on it, even though I was very full.
I was surprised and a little upset that more of the old gang didn’t show up.
I wanted to have one of those things where someone dies and everyone gets together and they remember the good times and wonder why they didn’t stay in touch and they realize how fragile life and friendship is.
Only, like, without the Someone Dying part.
And the Resemblance To The Movie “First Wives Club” part.
Anyway, the wedding was nice and it took me back to the old days, by which I mean everyone but me was really drunk and I sat in the back watching them all and ripping up bits of paper and hoping someone would fall over so I could have a laugh.
Now, that probably sounds bad to some of you “cool kids” out there, but standing back and laughing quietly at people is my bag, baby, and I had a really great time.
I had a lot of fun, but it was really cool to fly into a sunny town with palm trees and have it be my home destination. Then it was slightly less cool to drive through traffic for the next hour and a half because I don’t live in Orange County with the airport and apparently also with the high school kids who do drugs and have sex with their hot, MILF neighbors and learn a valuable life lesson every hour on Tuesday nights.

We all had a thing or two to learn

One of my favorite things about having hard-wood floors is having the ability to roll around supervillian-style to almost anywhere in the …