The Firm Chubby

Hello to all you little honey bees out in your honey suckle cubicles. I am Felicia, Lauren’s roomate. Now I know a big hoopla started the last time someone else wrote on her site, but this is going to be different. As a performer, I shall give the audience what they want, meaning I will only write about what you come here for, Lauren. But as an artist, I must also do what I want, which is eat Cheez Itz during this post.
I’ll start by saying Lauren and I have lived together about a month now, and she is an absolutely WONDERFUL and AWESOME roomate. We get along great, because we have so many similarities and differences, that it is a perfect balance of nature between us. We also like to say the word “crotch” a lot.
We are partners in this world of fate. I hate pepperoni on my pizza, she hates mushrooms on hers, we switch. She cooks, I don’t…know how. One thing I’ve always heard about or saw on the news, was that people sing in the shower. Well I never believed people actually did that, until I moved in with Lauren. Yeah, she sings in the shower. But sometimes it’s really annoying when I’m trying to read books….on the toilet. *enter laughtrack if needed*
Lauren walks around barefoot, I wear socks. That sentence is not a good start for a new paragraph.
Lauren is a great presence to have around, 24/7, AM or PM, fully clothed or completely naked. (that was for the people who think we’re dating) She takes vitamins and I don’t know why. You’d think at 23, your body would have the perfect level of vitamin-y things in it. That’s what’s making her sweat so much, an overflow of vitamins. Mmmm, orange flavored sweat. Actually, no. Yuck.
We are taking Pittsburgh by storm, kidnapping comics, lighting things on fire, and then laughing all the way to the bank, which we’ll rob. I have actually had the pleasure of meeting some of her friends, and I must say I enjoy the company of all that I’ve met so far. Excellent friend choice, Lauren. And yes, those of you who have sites, I’ve been to them.
Sometimes Lauren and I will just stand in our hallway talking. No, not sitting on a couch like a regular, upright walking human being. Just standing there, leaning on the wall, and have a full conversation. By the way, if some of this stuff doesn’t make sense, it’s not you, it’s me. I’m running on 2 hours of sleep, and I was planning on this post being really funny and having all of you accept me through my brilliant writing abilities, but I have a strong feeling that won’t happen tonight. I’m too unfocused, or “blurry” as they might say.
Those of you who hate me right now for not being very entertaining, email your comments to me, Lord knows I get emails from a mass media of 0 people, so I’ll actually enjoy them.
P.S. Fuck Matt Bower

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