My grandfather’s a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice.
One day, he took me aside and left me there.

As an aspiring writer in the entertainment industry, there’s nothing I should hate more than the upsurgence of reality television.
And usually I *do* hate it. The petty fights between potential Survivors, the shallow sluts of The Bachelor, I’ve even hated the Godfather of reality television, The Real World.
I couldn’t get into it, and I always really wanted to, because it was the hip thing to do.
When my friends would laugh in the high school hallways at what a bastard Puck was, I always voiced my opinion on how he was just a well-meaning prankster, and at the end of the day, he restored amends.
For the 98% of you readers who are normal people, that was a Midsummer Night’s Dream reference, and it was hilarious.
Anyway, I almost changed my ways with Last Comic Standing, because unless I’m mistaken, it was the first reality show where the contestants actually had to have some sort of skill, and couldn’t win it by being Sue, the sassy truck driver from Texas with a heart of gold and a cunning mastery of deception.
Well, I never actually “caught” Last Comic Standing, because it was on at some weird time, but it’s just as well, because I just saw Dat Phan’s Comedy Central Presents, and it was clear that the contestants actually DIDN’T have to have a skill.
As Brett brought to my attention, Hey yeah, I remember those jokes.
Back when Margaret Cho said them!
Anyway, I am here to admit with a heavy heart that, like every person in America, I have become ADDICTED to a reality television show.
The Apprentice is simply the best thing on TV today, hands down.
I am sorry, but every premise is virtually flawless, the teams have character, and Donald Trump as the ruthless end-all, be-all judge is just a non-stop hard-hitting recipe of ENTERTAINMENT.
I have characters I hate, and ones I want to succeed, but know they won’t because they deserve it too much, and I discuss every show in great detail with my family afterwards. It’s disgusting. I hate how the girls just keep winning because they’re hot, and I hate how the boys keep having alpha male pissing contests, but I hate it SO GOOD.
Sweet, delicious hate.
I don’t want to get into too much else here, in case you’re among the unfortunate who do not watch the show, nor care to, but I am telling you, you are MISSING OUT.
All right, I’m done.
Troy should win.
NO, I’m done. Really.
If updates are sparse for a while, it’s because I did indeed get the apartment, and with the help of my slave Paco, I’ve been moving things in nonstop for the past 8 hours. The computer’s the last to go, since we probably won’t have cable for a while, but I’m sleeping there tonight, and my books and CDs are coming over seemingly one at a time.
It’s gonna be a while, but it’s good times.
I think me and Felicia are going to have a really fun chapter of our lives here.


Is this fucking shit on Lauren week? Check out this shit. Last Sunday, I was minding my own business, waiting on some …